................I Am EMPTY

This darknes sorrounds,  I  am drowning.  No  light in  sight,  incased in  these prison  walls.  I  cant get out,  i  scream ,  i  cry, i  beg ,  and plead but nothing.  A down spiral of thought,feras  and emotions overwhelm me.  I cant take it anymore.  The anger is eating  away  at  my  soul  and turning my  heart into  nothing  but a black  viod inside my  chest.  The self  hatred destroys my pride,  my  spirit ,  my life.  Not  being able t  function, to  be norma,  but  what is normal? normal people function, if they  fall they get up  and slap  bandage  o it  and keep  on going. I cant......Icant function.  I  have given  up...... I consume myself in  sleep,  I  eat  away  my pain,  I  hidewithin myself,  and welcome my  self destructive ways. Racing  thoughts torment me constantly. Fear, anxietty, and anger have become my  life.  A once kind hearted person destroyed by  my  own emotions.  I  Am empty. M y  heart  is  cold  and my  soul even  colder.  I  lack compassion,  empathy, and the ability  to  care.  Emptiness is now my  way of life and anymore that  kind of  life is not worth  living.   I  posses no  thought  to  kill myself  just  the thoughts to  die.  Slowly i  eat myself closer and clser to the grave to  think it isnt  fast  enough.  Sometimes i  wonder  what i  have done to  deserve to  feel  this way.  I am  cold,  my  words are eviland my mind is in  shambles.  Each  day i  grow  colder and further away ..............................
I AM EMPTY

words unspoken

Words unspoken hid my desires..Words unspoken tuk me away from u..Words unspoken hid my luv.. Words unspoken became a great confusion,i ddnt knw how i felt no more,since ndandingazi i decided 2 fil noba kukanjan..After all if u dnt knw whr ure goin,any route wil get u sumwhr..ryt?!? Words unspoken made a fool outta me..But i neva doubtd u,i always knew u were nt uAndile,Bandile,Sandile or uXola,Xolani nor uXolile....I ALWAYS KNEW U WERE THE WORDZ I NEVA SPOKE OF!! Words unspoken made me realise dat ive bn thr,dne dat,neva gt the t-shrt yet im wearin it.. Wordz unspoken took me away,tore me apart then rippped me 2 pieces Wordz unspoken kept me frm sayn..I LOVE YOU!

life is a runway!!

behind

Behind! Behind! Behind dis smly derz a voice, a voice crying 4 help, behind all these noises der z silence, silence dat turnz nyt into day nd day into nyt, behind these lyts der z darkness, behind dis gal, der z a broken bruised gal, her heart z bruisd beyond repairz, behind all da lies told derz da truth, a truth dat I cnt handle.......behind all dis love derz hatrd, behind dis braveness derz fear....sumtym i dnt even wana luk behind me coz i neva knw wat i myt fynd?......

letting go!!!

I loved through what seemed to be passion, and tried to love through the pain
When my heart said it’s not right, I still held on in vain. They say use your head, not your heart, for the heart is weak and frail. But the head can’t be much wiser for it only rationalized every detail.
Still my heart kept on nudging, how much more can you take...Till one day it finally hit me how much is at stake And ‘twas not my head nor my heart that made the way for me. But the broken soul inside me that desires to love…to be free
I’m resolved to get through this, I know I dare not falter. But my strength seems to wither when I think of the "hereafter". Yet hope rises within me at a glimpse of what could be and I know I want nothing more than to escape this misery. Whoever said it would be easy to simply say goodbye....When you have opened your heart to someone, it takes a little more than just a try. I want and deserve much more than I’ve allowed myself these years. Now it’s time for me to love me and awake from this nightmare.

THULA: uR LyK a DrEaMe 2 me

frnds......

frnds,  in  ma lyfs journey i  have cum 2 realise dat  no  1 is ur  frnd..... lyf experiences  have proved 2 me dat  people becum ur  " frnds"  nly  wen it  suits then , noly wen they  are going  2 benefit  4rm da so  called " "frndship"  or nly  wen they  wnt  2 destroy  u,  a month  ago  i  hd da worst experience of ma  lyf because of frnds , da closest  ppl  with  wum i  shared everythng with  were da reason 4 all  da heart ache ma family  experiences..... ma FAMLY  was roffled 2 da core becoz of frnds, tears which almst  lead 2 death  were  shed, i  dd  nt  understand y infct  no  dd...... bt  thnx 2 da almyty everthng is okay  nw................... no  2 me no  1 is a frnd i d nt  trust  ny1