behind

Behind! Behind! Behind dis smly derz a voice, a voice crying 4 help, behind all these noises der z silence, silence dat turnz nyt into day nd day into nyt, behind these lyts der z darkness, behind dis gal, der z a broken bruised gal, her heart z bruisd beyond repairz, behind all da lies told derz da truth, a truth dat I cnt handle.......behind all dis love derz hatrd, behind dis braveness derz fear....sumtym i dnt even wana luk behind me coz i neva knw wat i myt fynd?......

letting go!!!

I loved through what seemed to be passion, and tried to love through the pain
When my heart said it’s not right, I still held on in vain. They say use your head, not your heart, for the heart is weak and frail. But the head can’t be much wiser for it only rationalized every detail.
Still my heart kept on nudging, how much more can you take...Till one day it finally hit me how much is at stake And ‘twas not my head nor my heart that made the way for me. But the broken soul inside me that desires to love…to be free
I’m resolved to get through this, I know I dare not falter. But my strength seems to wither when I think of the "hereafter". Yet hope rises within me at a glimpse of what could be and I know I want nothing more than to escape this misery. Whoever said it would be easy to simply say goodbye....When you have opened your heart to someone, it takes a little more than just a try. I want and deserve much more than I’ve allowed myself these years. Now it’s time for me to love me and awake from this nightmare.

THULA: uR LyK a DrEaMe 2 me

frnds......

frnds,  in  ma lyfs journey i  have cum 2 realise dat  no  1 is ur  frnd..... lyf experiences  have proved 2 me dat  people becum ur  " frnds"  nly  wen it  suits then , noly wen they  are going  2 benefit  4rm da so  called " "frndship"  or nly  wen they  wnt  2 destroy  u,  a month  ago  i  hd da worst experience of ma  lyf because of frnds , da closest  ppl  with  wum i  shared everythng with  were da reason 4 all  da heart ache ma family  experiences..... ma FAMLY  was roffled 2 da core becoz of frnds, tears which almst  lead 2 death  were  shed, i  dd  nt  understand y infct  no  dd...... bt  thnx 2 da almyty everthng is okay  nw................... no  2 me no  1 is a frnd i d nt  trust  ny1

sumwhere m nt suppose 2 be

That doesn’t stop me from wanting you. It just hovers like a challenge I’ll never get to conquer. And no matter what you do, or what you say, I know deep down inside of me that I’m somewhere I’m not supposed to be. I feel like I’m wearing her shoes, and even if you like me in them. They still don’t fit the same. I feel like I’m doing her job and she still gets paid.
I know that something is not right, I know deep down inside.
A part of me doesn’t want to face the truth; all it wants to do is hide
But what lies in darkness, always comes to light
But I hope that my intuition will help to make things right
If I have my way, these will be the last words I’ll ever need to say
So I say them now, before I’m lead astray
I can look into the horizon and I can dream up clear blue skies
And I can satisfy myself by living in a lie,
And you and I, it just seems like a lie, because there’s always something getting in between.
Something and someone that poses as a barrier so I’ll never get to reach you even if I try
To be the one for you
When the one for you already exists…
I can add a mile, but I’ll never measure up
And fate has made sure that I’ll never gain your trust.
And still I wanna try, because that’s what people do.
They fight against all odds, and if we give up we never find love.
And I won’t find that by wearing someone else’s shoes
And when I’m with you, it’s beautiful but I always feel
That I’m somewhere I’m not supposed to be.
I won’t be a fool, not for you and not for me.
I absolutely refuse to make myself believe that I’m some where, when I really have no idea where I am.
Because underneath it all, I’ll always be lost when it comes to you
When it comes to you I will always be expendable…
I don’t exist…
I’m just this secret that I don’t wanna be.
You happy with that?
I’m not.
I think the best part of me is going to slip through your fingers
I may be wrong.
And I don’t think I’ll ever be me,
If I have to stay somewhere I’m not supposed to be.

z it always going 2 be lyk dis????

Z t always gonna b lyk dis?????? R u always gonna cum here pretend dat u care nd dan live? R we always gonna do t behind closed doorz? R we always gonna do t in a rush coz t hv 2 rush bck 2 her? Am i always gonna b 2nd best? Z our tym always gonna be limitd coz u hv 2 go bck 2 ur gal??? M i always go b da ada gal??? Wat abt me? Wat abt hw i fil? Dnt u fil nythng 4 me?? I knw i said i was kul wif t, BUT am i really??? NO!!!!!! Sumtymz i wnt u 2 stay, sumtymz i wnt u 2 spend da nyt, sumtymz i wanna hear u say u lv me, sumtymz i wnt u 2 hold ma hand nd tell me tz gonna b okay!!!! Sumtymz i nid 2 share ma pain wif u, ma happyness, ma frastrationz, ma failures n ma achievements' ma heart has heard enuf nw! I wnt more yes u had t i wnt more! I wnt ALL o NOTHING!!!